I can’t cope

Aunt A

I guess I was lucky living till this age without losing too many people, but this year has hit me so hard, I don’t want to do anything any more – I don’t want to crawl out of bed – I know you will be up there screaming at me for felling this way, telling me it’s wrong and I should celebrate your life, think of the memories.

But I can’t – sometimes I can blank out that it has happened, but then out of nowhere it hits me and suddenly I am right back there, the moment I was told, I can’t breathe, my heart is pounding and I want to scream.

I want someone to tell me it is all a bad dream, to pinch me so I can wake up – but it isn’t going to happen.

You were a constant, when I couldn’t talk to my parents you were there – you often gave the same advice as my Dad but it was different from you, when I ran away you could talk me home.
Who can I turn to now in the way I would turn to you.

I wish I had hugged you one more time, told you have much you meant to me – I hope you knew – I hope you know.

But I know I have to keep going, keep going for you and one day I’ll be stronger, one day I’ll wake up and smile at the memories, rather than crying because you are gone.

Goodbye and farewell for now – I will never forget you.

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6 comments / Add your comment below

  1. Oh such a sad message. I’m so sorry for your loss. I may not know you but my thoughts are with you. It’s a cliche I know but time does heal, hold on to your memories they will get you through.
    Take care, Dani

  2. I’m so sorry for your loss. I can completely relate to everything you have said and everything you are feeling. I hope one day soon you will feel more able to face the day. The pain doesn’t go away, but we learn to live with it. I’m sending you a very big hug XX

  3. So sad to read this. When you loose someone it hurts, like no other hurt in the world. Eventually it does get easier and at some point in your life you will feel that you are not able to move on and forget that person as they will always be a big part of your life, but you will go on to remember the happy and good memories instead of the sadness surrounding death. xx

  4. I really relate to your post, i lost my dad 6 months ago and it was so sudden. Its seems there’s not a minute goes by that you don’t think of things even when you don’t realise it. Nobody can prepare you for this feeling, plodding on is all you can do however hard it seems x

  5. Sadly the only thing guaranteed for all of us is death. We all talk about it, but it is never easy when it happens. I agree we should appreciate people here more but we all lead such busy lives.
    I hope you quickly reach the day where you can smile and talk about them without too many tears.

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