I guess I was lucky living till this age without losing too many people, but this year has hit me so hard, I don’t want to do anything any more – I don’t want to crawl out of bed – I know you will be up there screaming at me for felling this way, telling me it’s wrong and I should celebrate your life, think of the memories.
But I can’t – sometimes I can blank out that it has happened, but then out of nowhere it hits me and suddenly I am right back there, the moment I was told, I can’t breathe, my heart is pounding and I want to scream.
I want someone to tell me it is all a bad dream, to pinch me so I can wake up – but it isn’t going to happen.
You were a constant, when I couldn’t talk to my parents you were there – you often gave the same advice as my Dad but it was different from you, when I ran away you could talk me home.
Who can I turn to now in the way I would turn to you.
I wish I had hugged you one more time, told you have much you meant to me – I hope you knew – I hope you know.
But I know I have to keep going, keep going for you and one day I’ll be stronger, one day I’ll wake up and smile at the memories, rather than crying because you are gone.
Goodbye and farewell for now – I will never forget you.